The Three Uns

It's not like I wish to be overly pessimistic. Rather, I feel compelled to be as neutral as possible in my observations and judgments. As age creeps, your body creaks, I just had a second where I lost my vision there, and you have to adjust.

Taking a look at my life, rather than painting the best possible picture, it is much more rational to merely take what has happened in the past and parlay it forward as the future. Now some people like my life, or think, on the surface, that it would be a decent life, an upgrade from theirs certainly. If possession of a few dollars, an adequate sense of humor, and a keen intelligence is what it takes, then take my life. Those finer qualities of life, be it power or perfection or fulfillment of duty are more motivating to me. Perhaps this entire problem is exacerbated by having nothing to do. Hedonism is not enough. Not that I could care less, but a bit more than that is necessary sometimes to keep living.

Hence, when I look at my past I see my future: unwanted, unnecessary (now more than ever) and I can't even say the last one.